Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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