i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
