after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Someone came in the potted fern
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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