My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
