Its about making memories worth repressing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
