Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
