Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
