I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
