Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
