i wish my penis had a tongue
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
