i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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