He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
