His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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