dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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