I need help removing her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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