But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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