I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize