if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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