Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
