The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
