Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
