i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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