Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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