Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
