Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
