I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
