I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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