my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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