eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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