Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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