non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
