so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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