i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
