I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
