3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
