Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
