There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
