You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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