I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
