ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
