I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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