sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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