You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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