He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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