would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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