Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
