My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
