perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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