please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
