I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
