i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
