hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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