I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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