apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
