We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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