They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
