So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
