i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
