did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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