she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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