i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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