Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
