My hand turned me down
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
