I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
