My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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