Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
