AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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