hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
