I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sarcasm needs its own font
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
