why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When are your genitals available?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
