I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
