you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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