I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
