one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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