Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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