i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Alive.
So much puke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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