Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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