I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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