my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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