yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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