just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
