bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
