im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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