you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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