fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
