I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
