you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
