Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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