love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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