But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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